Lets get sconed

Today a poor unsuspecting girl decided to stand up from her desk in my Communication Theory class and walk away, leaving a small white bag in plain sight, unguarded and all alone. I'm not sure if any of you have kept up with my blog lately, but if you have you're aware that after being broken into, I have officially decided to start a Reverse-Karma Rampage (bad has been done unto me so it is my turn to inflict bad upon the world).  SO! In one swift motion i swooped in and snatched up that bag.  Upon peaking inside, I saw two words that ALWAYS mean a good time. "Chocolate Chip". I was stoked, cloud 9.  BUT! The joke was on me because once I got to my next class and opened the bag to it's entirety, I discovered is was not a Chocolate Chip COOKIE! But rather a Chocolate Chip Scone -_-

What's the fucking purpose of a scone? Did someone really walk into a bakery and say "create a snack that won't fill me up and makes my mouth super dry".  It's pointless to eat.  What's the main ingredient? Chalk dust?  When I become a parent and my kid is pissing me off, Scones will be dessert every night until he gets off my nerves.  Another stupid treat that I don't understand is the Eclair.... why not just serve me a cream filled donut?  There's no point in making something that small because, let's face it, I'm going to eat 34 of them.  I've learned to just limit myself by just saying "NO!" to small edible treats.  I'm sorry, it's just my personality to not want a single cupcake, but a whole tray instead. If you want a real dessert, I got the hook up from this baketress I know (I think I just made that word up, but I'm officially coining the term. Baketress-a female who prefers to dominate a man's mouth via baked goods and sweets).

S'mores Bars.... You Jelly?

And no, I'm not going to buy anything from your bake sale.  I don't care how cheap it is or what form of payments you take, I'm saving my money for pizza and a cinnamon roll. Get over it.Want a quick scapegoat for anyone trying to sell you some form of food that you're not interested in? (or you just want to spite them cuz you secretly wish you were the one raising money to go to India to help film another Benny Lava music video) ? This is the conversation I use everytime:

Them: "Hey! Would you like to buy a cookie? They're only 1 dollar and the money helps us save cats who get stranded in trees!"

Me: "Does it have any gluten in it?"

Them: "Umm... I don't know. Maybe?"

Me: "Well I have Celiac's Disease and my body can't process the gluten that is in most foods"

Them: "Oh... Yeah, I don't know."

Me: *Walk away... Like a Boss...because I don't have Celiac's Disease....trollface*

 I already got a couple CD's from people:

-Chris Box's was good. Very different and had some great diversity.

-Sara Cowe's made me giggle like a 14 year old girl stuck in the 90's.

-Mike Grider's is more UGHH than you stupid ass Tyler The Creater fans wish you were.

-Carrie Mansfield's makes me want to GRINNNDDD

Anyone who said they would send me a CD and hasn't yet.... just know that I remember EVERYTHING and I won't forget how you let me down, posers. 

This is my friend Juan. He sleeps all day. 

This is my roommate Mike. We went to Steak and Shake.