Austin Shitty Limits

It's a Saturday night, I've eaten dinner at a reasonable time, and I've got nothing better to do than lay in bed and put off showering. THUS, I will explain to you what is ruining my weekend. You might think it's the fact that my little brother is in town and he is way too cool for me, or that my right ear hasn't popped in 3 days so I'm fairly certain it's going to implode.. but  no. I actually couldn't care less about those things because I know Zane is just a big Yu-Gi-Oh fan as me so he can't be cooler than me, and I pierced my ear with a safety pin in 7th grade and let it get super infected, so obviously i have no respect for my ears.

ACL is annoying me.  I'm just not into it. I'm sorry if you are and you're into bands that only get famous by their songs being played in car or cell phone commercials and you love being surrounded by thousands of people who think "the early Coldplay stuff is was better".  I don't appreciate you shutting down my traffic system, flooding my streets and restaurants with your frayed jean shorts and rain boots, and causing me to have to explain to my mom how ACL is different from Warped Tour (They're basically the same thing, just one fan base shops SOLELY at Hot Topic while the other shops SOLELY at Urban Outfitters).  And I want you to all understand when I ask how ACL was, I actually mean "Oh you listen to shitty music, conversation terminated". Whenever I see ACL I think of ALC (Alternative Learning Center).  It's the place they sent all those kids who fucked up too much in High School so instead of more detention they made them wear uniforms and create stories of juvenile'esque nature.... which I guess when you think of it, all the kids who went to ALC for fighting or doing drugs or trying to phone camera film their teacher peeing, were just being rebellious and struggling for a way to express themselves.  Then they found really odd trippy dull-hearted music and weed and the ability to wear whatever they want because their parents aren't around to see them leave the house.... then they go to ACL to watch all those bands that come pre-loaded on a Zune when you buy it from Target. SO IN SOME WEIRD CYCLICAL WAY... ALC spawns ACL. So thanks a lot Texas Public School System. Now, because you let kids get away with not dressing out for P.E. I have to suffer through one whole weekend every year where everyone parks illegally and brags about knowing every word to every Kanye song and constantly asks me "where's the best place to eat" is... Denny's... The best place to eat is Denny's. They have literally everything, there is a crane game up front, and the food is cheap enough for all you douches who are STARVING but only go out with 4 dollars and some change in your pocket. Grow up and get a bank account you dick.

SIDENOTE: Has no one ever tried pitching the idea to Kanye West that he should make is own alcoholic beverage called Kaynac, (instead of Cognac ((or Brandy for all you underage drinkers who've only ever had Bud Light and Svedka))) because I feel like I could make millions if I went half in with him on that idea.

Bottom line is if you're going to ACL then keep it to yourself and stop parking in my street. ALSO, be sure you go see Alison Krauss

^^Music to get laid too.

I'm backghdad...

It's been a minute... my bad you guys.  But the new school year is back around so I have an excuse to get on here and let you guys know what I think of you all. I'm not going to recap my summer... It happened, it's over with, I have mixed emotions about it.

Let's start off on the right foot... Terrorism.  It's about to be the 10 year anniversary of the largest catalyst for patriotism in our nations history.  This Sunday thousands will gather and post pictures online of flags, firefighters, and their stories of where they were when the towers collapsed. (Heads up, I was in 5th grade reading Tikta'Liktak: An Inuit-Eskimo Legend. I failed the chapter reading quiz that morning).  This has sparked everyone's interest of "How has America changed since 9/11?".  To be honest, you're all a bit more racist.  I had a girl in my class American Dilemmas class tell us how she's basically scared of anyone wearing boots on an airplane, and that none of us take into consideration that (according to her) "85% of people on a plane have had at least one terroristic thought in their lifetime"... GUILTY! When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to blow up my teacher for taking away my pokemon cards till the end of the day because they were distracting me from the lazer disk presentation.  My bad, someone call Al Qaeda and tell them I'm an O.G. member.  None of us should really be that worried about people from the middle east.  They don't look suspicious, they just look uncomfortable.  Imagine how pissed you would look if you couldn't wear gym shorts and a sweatshirt on a plane?!
September 11th just gave Toby Keith an excuse to write more songs about his dad, America, and how we're gonna 'kick some jihad ass'.  Someone should tell him David Alan Coe has that covered so he can go back to singing about "how do you like me now?!" .... here's a hint, we don't.  So everyone who is still hung up on covering up their ignorance with 'patriotism', just know that we are all going to die someday.  Stop worrying about that dude with the beard and goofy scarf on next to you, and start worrying about what really matters in life... Pizza and Dogs.

You want a real 9/11 story? Watch this:
THIS DUDE SURVIVED 9/11

Keep your chin up America.