Austin Shitty Limits

It's a Saturday night, I've eaten dinner at a reasonable time, and I've got nothing better to do than lay in bed and put off showering. THUS, I will explain to you what is ruining my weekend. You might think it's the fact that my little brother is in town and he is way too cool for me, or that my right ear hasn't popped in 3 days so I'm fairly certain it's going to implode.. but  no. I actually couldn't care less about those things because I know Zane is just a big Yu-Gi-Oh fan as me so he can't be cooler than me, and I pierced my ear with a safety pin in 7th grade and let it get super infected, so obviously i have no respect for my ears.

ACL is annoying me.  I'm just not into it. I'm sorry if you are and you're into bands that only get famous by their songs being played in car or cell phone commercials and you love being surrounded by thousands of people who think "the early Coldplay stuff is was better".  I don't appreciate you shutting down my traffic system, flooding my streets and restaurants with your frayed jean shorts and rain boots, and causing me to have to explain to my mom how ACL is different from Warped Tour (They're basically the same thing, just one fan base shops SOLELY at Hot Topic while the other shops SOLELY at Urban Outfitters).  And I want you to all understand when I ask how ACL was, I actually mean "Oh you listen to shitty music, conversation terminated". Whenever I see ACL I think of ALC (Alternative Learning Center).  It's the place they sent all those kids who fucked up too much in High School so instead of more detention they made them wear uniforms and create stories of juvenile'esque nature.... which I guess when you think of it, all the kids who went to ALC for fighting or doing drugs or trying to phone camera film their teacher peeing, were just being rebellious and struggling for a way to express themselves.  Then they found really odd trippy dull-hearted music and weed and the ability to wear whatever they want because their parents aren't around to see them leave the house.... then they go to ACL to watch all those bands that come pre-loaded on a Zune when you buy it from Target. SO IN SOME WEIRD CYCLICAL WAY... ALC spawns ACL. So thanks a lot Texas Public School System. Now, because you let kids get away with not dressing out for P.E. I have to suffer through one whole weekend every year where everyone parks illegally and brags about knowing every word to every Kanye song and constantly asks me "where's the best place to eat" is... Denny's... The best place to eat is Denny's. They have literally everything, there is a crane game up front, and the food is cheap enough for all you douches who are STARVING but only go out with 4 dollars and some change in your pocket. Grow up and get a bank account you dick.

SIDENOTE: Has no one ever tried pitching the idea to Kanye West that he should make is own alcoholic beverage called Kaynac, (instead of Cognac ((or Brandy for all you underage drinkers who've only ever had Bud Light and Svedka))) because I feel like I could make millions if I went half in with him on that idea.

Bottom line is if you're going to ACL then keep it to yourself and stop parking in my street. ALSO, be sure you go see Alison Krauss

^^Music to get laid too.

I'm backghdad...

It's been a minute... my bad you guys.  But the new school year is back around so I have an excuse to get on here and let you guys know what I think of you all. I'm not going to recap my summer... It happened, it's over with, I have mixed emotions about it.

Let's start off on the right foot... Terrorism.  It's about to be the 10 year anniversary of the largest catalyst for patriotism in our nations history.  This Sunday thousands will gather and post pictures online of flags, firefighters, and their stories of where they were when the towers collapsed. (Heads up, I was in 5th grade reading Tikta'Liktak: An Inuit-Eskimo Legend. I failed the chapter reading quiz that morning).  This has sparked everyone's interest of "How has America changed since 9/11?".  To be honest, you're all a bit more racist.  I had a girl in my class American Dilemmas class tell us how she's basically scared of anyone wearing boots on an airplane, and that none of us take into consideration that (according to her) "85% of people on a plane have had at least one terroristic thought in their lifetime"... GUILTY! When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to blow up my teacher for taking away my pokemon cards till the end of the day because they were distracting me from the lazer disk presentation.  My bad, someone call Al Qaeda and tell them I'm an O.G. member.  None of us should really be that worried about people from the middle east.  They don't look suspicious, they just look uncomfortable.  Imagine how pissed you would look if you couldn't wear gym shorts and a sweatshirt on a plane?!
September 11th just gave Toby Keith an excuse to write more songs about his dad, America, and how we're gonna 'kick some jihad ass'.  Someone should tell him David Alan Coe has that covered so he can go back to singing about "how do you like me now?!" .... here's a hint, we don't.  So everyone who is still hung up on covering up their ignorance with 'patriotism', just know that we are all going to die someday.  Stop worrying about that dude with the beard and goofy scarf on next to you, and start worrying about what really matters in life... Pizza and Dogs.

You want a real 9/11 story? Watch this:
THIS DUDE SURVIVED 9/11

Keep your chin up America.

It's been a while...

So I haven't posted in a while. I KNOW! I'm a shitty blogger.  But then I remember I  don't owe you guys anything and I feel a little better.  School is coming to an end and it's just in time.  I can not stand pretending like I care about grades. Its funny when people bitch saying "I've never gotten a B in a class!" because neither have I... but under different circumstances.  And I don't see the point of teacher evaluations.  It doesn't really need to be 'anonymous' because all my professors by now have figured out if I love them or hate them.  Finals suck, but studying sucks more.  I just can't bring myself to look in a book when I could just as easily ride my bike around in the awesome weather.  You guys all play bookworm, I'll be making French Toast and drawing weiners on my coffee table.

Last weekend I was confront by a drunk group of bachelor party bros.... Seriously, that mentality is insane.  How on earth did bachelor party traditions start?  "Oh hey, you're getting married tomorrow and living the rest of your life in love? Let's fuck that up real quick before it's too late".  You start off by getting hammered drunk. (Nothing has ever gone wrong there).  Then you head to a strip club.  Why spend hundreds of dollars on something that in 24 hours you're going to get every night? And yes, I will have my wife dance for me whenever I want. That's part of my pre-nup.  I don't care how shitty your day at work was, you're putting on the lynard skynard crop top and hiking boots and throwing down to a David Banner CD while I eat pizza on the couch.  I'm stronger than you, you have to do it.  Plus strip clubs are an overall waste of money. I've got the internet, vitamin water, a stereo, and a light switch.  I don't need to pay a cover charge.  THE ONLY TIME I will ever go to a strip club is if there is an all you can eat buffet.  I can bare seeing C-section scars and muffin top belly button peircings for unlimited chicken nuggets.  But then you insist on getting someone to come back and have sex with you.  Your 'boys' pay bunches more money to get you a 25 minute blow job while they all stand outside the door and play beer pong.  I'm going to start a service where I take out ladies on the night of their fiances bachelor party and we see a movie and have a nice dinner then take a walk in the park.  I get a free meal AND I get to know I've ruined someones marriage via being better by comparison.

Just some points before I go:
- My band is going on tour for like 2 and a half weeks next week.  You should like us on FB, and buy our merch off of big cartel, or even send us money so we can eat on tour.  Please and Thank you!

- I'm still accepting CD's, so if you wanna send me that space jam soundtrack or a compilation of all the Bill Nye Science Parody Songs, I'm all ears.

-If you're reading this and you are my pen pal from Louisiana who sent me the CD and we wrote a couple letters back and forth and you just stopped.... what the fuck. Why you gotta leave me hangin?

-Finally, here are some conversations my bestie Andrew and I have. I know you probably enjoy our banter than anything else you text your friends, so here you go.

Found it. 

Mericuh. 

Marshall Marshall Marshall!!!

Would you rather have glow in the dark veins or constantly have red smoke leak from your nose?  Some of you might go smoke on this one because you're inconsiderate of those who have asthma or might be deathly afraid of smoke bombs.  Sadly for you, I don't agree with your petty ways.  I decided to go with glow in the dark veins. There are so many plus sides!  You will be the biggest hit at any black light party which in turn leads you to get to control the ipod because no one wants to contest the coolest dude in the room over what S Club 7 song to play.  Also, you never have to worry about turning on the light when you have to pee at night. I mean sure, people might get a little annoyed in a movie theater, but who cares! Every time you go to lazer quest you're sure to get the high score AND chances are you will piss off the stupid "Marshall" that you gotta call when your gun starts messing up.  Besides, it would be cool to have a bodily function that isn't embarrassing to find on your hands under a black light...

This past weekend was Easter Weekend (fakest holiday every).  I'm a huge fan of candy, but every thing else is just ridiculous.  Don't tell me I can't eat meat on friday... I love pizza flavored hot pockets and chicken nuggets.  You're not keeping me from them because some guy got caught doing witchcraft and had to be punished.  Then all weekend every TV channel is take over by recaps of biblical eras.  WAS IT REALLY THAT BAD?! Man dies and gets tossed in a cave for three days then gets worship for eternity? Not so bad.  I know people who've done a couple months in jail just to get out and realize everyone still hates them.  And where did the bunnies carrying eggs thing come in?  It doesn't make sense.  How could a rabbit carry a basket 5 times it's size?  And rabbits are mammals, so sorry kids, but they produce other rabbits, not eggs.  Flawed logic.  If I had easter my way, everyone would get visited by a sea lion who delivers one bowl of your favorite cereal.  And then instead of going to church, we would all meet up for bowling and pizza.  And instead of not eating meat on Friday, you had to participate in one organized sport.  Because lets face it, everyones life would be better if we all played street hockey.  

I had to work at Chuys over the weekend so I can pay for tour.  Sorry if your parents give you guys money for easter or just as an allowance, but my mom hates me and I'm forced to serve people shitty mexican food to put gas in my tank.  Also, sorry if you ordered anything off the menu from me and wanted your kind of fish in it, but I lied.  Everyone that asked me for "grilled tilapia" or the "fried bass"... you got catfish. Old, freezer burnt cat fish.  And you probably tipped me for it too.

Some lady tipped me in the word of the lord. She told me just as she pulled away from the To-Go parking spot "It's not too late to find christ!".... Little does she know I already found christ, and I left him with my homosexual young life leader back in 8th grade.  Go shove your religion down someone else's throat, I'll be in hell with Rasputin. 

God Awful

Have you ever watched the show Time Warp? It's perfect.  Seriously, genius.  The concept encompasses every bit of your imagination.  I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times a day I see things happen then think to myself "I wanna see that at 200 frames per second".  Just think, if you could  watch a squirrel destroy an acorn, up close, in super slow motion. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!  I always want to watch people fall down in super slow-mo also.  YOU KNOW people's faces give the funniest looks in the split second it take them to realize 'oh shit, there's not a step there' then scramble to brace themselves.  AND ITS A DOUBLE WIN if they break a bone in slow-mo.  I'd also like to see people who try to dodge a bee that's flying next to their face really slow motion.... actually, that one doesn't have to be slow-mo, I just really like watching people dodge and freak out due to insects.  Let's be honest people, it's a bee. It might sting, it might hurt, but you won't die. People go to war.  And if you're one of 'those people' who bitches about being deathly allergic to bee stings, I got two words for you: NATURAL SELECTION.

The other day my friends and I attended our first ever Roller Derby (and coincidentally our first ever Parkour Exposition).  It was pretty neat.  Some of the chicks are actually not bulldozers and are kinda cute, but in the end  I'm sure they're almost all playing for the other team.  Even tho I didn't know the rules, I still enjoyed hootin and hollerin about falling down and hair pulling.  PLUS I got a super yummy hot dog with Sauer Kraut and mustard.  It was delicious. OH! And I got a thunder stick. Needless to say, my friends and I know how to cause some ruckus. AND we know how to be pretty disrespectful since I'm 95% sure we moved our chairs to the wheelchair section and cut off the movie from the less than able bodied people... once again, Natural Selection.

The first bout was between the Texecutioners and the Cincinnati Black Sheeps.  Needless to say the Texexcutioners killed by over 100 points.  The second bout was between the Ramonas and the Heathers.  Even tho the Ramonas won, I'm still team Heather all the way ;-)

Sidenote: Whole Foods Market now offers Private Abortions.  I'm not sure if you buy abortion by the pound or in bulk, but I'm pretty sure if you tear out a coupon you can buy one get one free.  Be sure to shake well before using it, then refrigerate afterwards... you wouldn't want you abortion to spoil...

Who coined the term God Awful?  More importantly, why do people at my Catholic University who buy into that religious nonsense use the term?  I mean, break that term down for a second... God-Awful.  I motion that we only say Zach Awful from now on.  Lets see how well that catches on. You might say it because you see me as god, but I'm just convinced I'm awful.  

Get Busy...

Anyone ever heard of Ryan Francis Henriques? Exactly. You haven't. Except.. you have.  He has made major contributions to the musical community worldwide, including donations to less fortunate areas to fund local arts programs, hosting free concerts that tens of thousands attend in order to raise awareness about major medical issues, and even promotes the growth of positive political relations between the U.S. and touristic destinations such as Haiti, the Caribbean, and Jamaica.  Believe it or not, you've probably all shared an awkward 8th grade dance to one or more of his songs. If you're not aware of the trials and tribulations of this great man, you better hookup your ipod, get on your torrent download sites, and get busy 


Yesterday I was at in the library at my school. Yes, I said THE library... I don't go to some giant mega university with 4-5 libraries that all breakdown by majors and historians and whatnot... My school has ONE library, and it has been gunman free all year so I think we win.  As I'm leaving, I notice that they have a large section of book racks labeled "FREE BOOKS!"  and I become intrigued.  FREE SHIT RULES!  I'm bumming through the selection and it's mostly shitty accounts of old business programs and books on theater and costumes that have never been checked out.  A girl next to me managed to snag a book entitled "The History of Black Actors" and I became SUPER JEALOUS!! Until I got to flip through it with her and realize it stopped at like the 1960's, so I settled down. Anything claiming to be about BLACK ACTORS and not even mention the DMW Powerhouse is fucking bullshit. (Denzel, Morgan, and Will).  BUT! I managed to grab two pretty neat pieces of library history.  One was a Clint Eastwood movie.  Haven't seen anything of his except Gran Torino, but if all of his movies are anything like that, I'm in!

I also found this super weird/creepy book.  It doesn't have a title, just a skull and crossbones on the front.  The whole book just has cartoon drawings of 'death' coming to reap the souls of different people accompanied by a little caption on the left page. It doesn't make much sense, but I'm convinced it's cursed.  After checking it out this morning, I got in the shower and got soap in my eyes.

Death and the Swooning Maiden
"Poor Girl! I wonder what frightened her!"

I gotta get back to booking this tour and studying.  School is coming at me fast and I gotta get prepped for all the crazy things I got going on out of the books.  Stay in school kids!  If you wanna give me a CD, find me in person tomorrow. I'll be at Riverfest down in San Marcos seeing the Yin Yang Twinz.   BYE!!....ay ay ya ya ya.

Dreamcatcher

So I've recently acquired a dreamcatcher.  It's from Kansas and it's hanging above my bed. I could just as easily take a picture of it and post it, but that takes the fun away from describing it.  It's got a sweet wolf woven into the main part, with a sweet arrangement of blue and white beads all around it. Then it's got three strands hanging down made of leather (I think?) and entwined are feathers.  All you need to know is it's having a weird affect.  It's not catching my dreams at all, but instead giving me very vivid ones that I can remember.  For instance, one of the dreams (to sum it up) I was walking around my apartment complex then my friend got in a fight so I let him  run off and hide from the police, then as everyone in my complex came out side to watch the police raid, I stole all  their phones and ipods that they left sitting around. Then when I went to go back to my apartment these mobsters stopped me and shot me in the head (then I woke up).   ANOTHER dream I had, I was at a beach house with some friends and they all left to go somewhere that wasn't the beach, then I ran  into Mariah Carey  taking a shower at one of those washing stations on the beach, and the paparazzi came and she got mad at me for drawing attention to her, so I went back to the beach house and Kenny Chesney showed up and we watched this insanely horrific thunder storm head right for us over the water.  It was black and purple skies, lightning touching down all around, ear piercing thunder, and tornadoes ramped. Right as  it reached the beach house, I woke up.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!


I have a new addiction.  It's called Craigslist, and I'm hooked on selling.  So far I've made 100 bucks in a day and I'm looking to make atleast 200 more by the end of the week. YOU CAN SELL ANYTHING! People are always down to buy shit. It's insane.  I hope it doesn't get too bad though. It it possible to actually have that as a problem?  Like, I start selling all the appliances in my apartment that aren't mine (like the fridge that came installed in here).  Then I try selling petty shit like toilet paper and magazines and cases of water bottles. Then I move onto selling my puppy and my roommates shoes.  SOMEONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME YOUR MONEY SO I'M NOT DESPERATE ENOUGH TO SELL THE BOBBLEHEADS OFF OF MY DASH!!!! I need money because my band is going on tour for 2 weeks in May and the more money I leave with the more I get to eat and knick knacks I get to buy.  Like, cool memorable big knick knacks like a new guitar from a guy in cincinatti or a sweet stuffed bears head in chicago. Ya know, thing's I can't steal in my pants.

This weekend has been chill. Went back to Houston for thursday and friday, worked a bit, saw friends and my mom.  Took promo pics for the band... in a sewer... while i was wearing flip flops.  Once we get them back I'll show you guys how it went.  Needless to say I'm not as photogenic as my bandmates.  Something about my tiny forhead or the fact i never fully open my eyes makes me just come off as a cereal killer skinhead.... except I can't clean up my own dishes, let alone after I brutally murder a foreigner.  And last night I came back to Austin where I had a fun evening playing ball tag throughout my apartment with some friends and going out to eat at Genghis Grill with YOU. [You know who are you :]

This is my puppy Richard. He falls asleep while sitting up. 

This is a girl biker gang I passed on the highway. They wear pink vests that say GLOW.... what does it mean!?

Ponyfail

Have you ever watched put her hair up in a pony tail? It LOOKS easy, but I KNOW it's hard as shit to do.  When I was in middle school and wanted to flirt with a girl in class I'd always ask to put her hair up for her and thought I could be all smooth with it... wrong. It always failed and I found out quickly that it's hard to get a chick to like you after you pull her hair.  I guess it's like a right of passage for girls; once you can make a pony tail then you get to decide if you like boys or girls. (Because let's be honest, there are only 2 types of pontails:  The cute ones that girls wear with a sundress and make your heart melt, or the big thick long ones that are tied up for softball practice and so it doesn't fly around when she drives around in her oversized truck with the windows down blasting 'hard rock'... you know what they're called).  I can't totally hate on the pony tail though, since I always wanted to sport on for myself.  But my mom said it would make me look like a menace so instead I ended up looking like this in 8th grade....

Hardest kid at Youth Group....

Just got back from Nebraska... It sucked. Seriously, if you're from a small town I pity you. But Wayne, NE was a CERTAIN KIND of small town. Most small towns have like a Walmart and a Bowling Ally and are within a decent driving distance of a substantial city.  Wayne had NOTHING! Everyone there seemed worn out and weird, and the entire town stretched an unfathomable 12 blocks.  That's always been a fear of mine, that for some reason I get moved to a super tiny town where everyone knows my name and business.  I'd be creeped out to think I knew every single person at my school and they knew me.  You think small town kids ever just say "fuck it, let's have an orgy" since they're all dating one another anyways?  What do they do for fun? Set things on fire, shoot guns, and masturbate.  Thats about all I could think of that they have to do.  I'm so glad to be home and away from people who've never seen a tattoo that wasn't done on their couch.  I don't get how people can immediately tell "OH! You're not from around here!" .... what gave it away? My basic knowledge and common sense?  Or was it the fact that I don't wear wranglers all day everyday?  Small towns are like visiting terminally ill person's house.  You want to stop by and experience it them for a short period of time just you can say you did and 'made a memory' or something stupid that helps you sleep at night, but the truth is you fucking hate it and want to leave as quickly as you can because it smells funny, there's nothing good to eat, you're depressed the entire time, and in the back of your mind you know it's only a matter of time before everyone forgets it and moves on.  

School is getting tough and busy, not to mention I've got a lot of extra curricular functions that are coming up. BUT! I will make a valiant effort to post more so you kids have something to read when you take your laptops with you when you poop.  Here is something that helped lighten my day last week. It was a conversation between myself and my pal Andrew. Lemme know if you concur with our outlooks on life...

I sent him a pic of the chicks and their lunches... all I do is creep. 

Life... it's very long.

Put me down

POWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOOWPOWPOWPOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I downloaded "Flockaveli" (for those of you who don't know, it's the Wacka Flocka Flame album)... changed my life.  It's so good! No one has ever given themselves as many shout outs in the history of hype.  First of all, every rhyme doesn't ACTUALLY rhyme with a clever word or lyric, he just ends every line with "nigga" so it all ties together in the end.  THEN! When he runs out of thought, he just syncronically yells "WOCKA! FLOCKA! WOCKA! FLOCKA!" .... It's genius. You can't deny ladies, "this yo jam".  All I have to say is "LISTEN TO THIS TRACK BITCH!"

School is tearing me apart.  All of the sudden it has gotten hard as hell.  There really isn't a need to write 7-9 pages about some communication theory that I will never practice in real life, kind of like how there isn't a need to give me the option of  "7-9 pages"... I'm going to choose 7. ACTUALLY, I'm going to choose 5 1/2 pages and just change the size of my punctuations.  Sometimes assignments in college just seem pointless because I'd rather see a more hands on example than write a paper to pretend like I know what I'm talking about.  And group projects don't necessarily help the situation, they just give me a safety net in case I forget to do something or it starts getting too confusing to complete.  Unfortunately my Nonverbal Communication professor felt the need to assign the best of both worlds, so I have a 2-part major grade due at the end of April. I have to write a 5-7 page paper AND do a group presentation about my experiences (somehow in correlation with the course's actual curriculum) while working a minimum of 3 hours a week for the next month at any non-profit organization of my choice. I'm sorry to those of you who enjoy volunteering and feeling good about yourself, but I just don't have it in me to help out others when I'm struggling myself.  I get that people want to help out at animal shelters, and kudos for you. But I worked at a vet clinic for 3 years... animals suck. Love them to death from a distance, but I have a hard time getting emotional because some cat was neglected.  For every cat that dies.... theres 17 more roaming the streets within a 2 mile radius.  The cat population will be fine, so I don't need to waste time and money on making sure they find food.  Same with helping the homeless. HOW IS NOT RAISING ANY MONEY GOING TO HELP THESE PEOPLE?! "I do it out of the goodness of my heart!" Good for you... I call my grandma on her birthday. That's about all my goodness for old smelly people. Why on earth you would want to make sure some crazy dirty fuck-up (whom you don't care about and probably don't even know their real name) gets fed is beyond me.  It's not like homeless life is THAT hard.  Half of you get drunk and pass out wherever you fall down and sleep there while peeing on yourself anyways. The only difference between you and them is your parents let you shop at Brooks Brothers. No one REALLY enjoys doing non-profit work.  They just want to look like a good person for a second to compensate for the fact that they're materialistic and selfish in their day to day life.  Be honest with yourself: YOU DON'T FIND JOY IN HELPING TERMINALLY ILL PATIENTS! If you do, then props on being sick in the head yourself.  That shit is depressing.  You think these people really want your 'volunteer' help with changing their diapers because they're so old they can't function on their own?!  No. When I get that old or that sick and  I'm no longer independent, you better feed me to a live bear and take all my shit.  I'm serious, put me down.  I don't need you spending your time helping me walk through my own house or making me food when I could just as easily be dead and you could have a REAL job making money and supporting your own loved ones.  "Survival of the fit; only the strong survive"

But in all seriousness people... Happy Caturday. 

Skinvisible

Would you rather have invisible skin, or see the entire world as if there was a constant strobe light on?  I'm going to go with invisible skin on this one.  If everything was blinking like a strobe light I would not only be falling down every set of stairs, but I would be forced to start grinding on people and dancing all over once I got into like a movie theater or somewhere that is dark.  The only time that could come in handy is when I didn't want to tuck my kids into bed or whenever some stupid girl want's me to walk her to her car in a shady part of town late at night.  Invisible skin would be better because I'll know exactly how big my stomach is (assuming I have absolutely no abdominal muscles). Question: Do you still get to have tattoos on invisible skin?  Technically it's still skin, so yes.  But what pigment are the muscles and body fat? Would the tattoos show?  Anatomical Science.... how does that work.

I don't like people who hold grudges.  Let me rephrase that: Go fucking kill yourself.  It's stupid and life is too short.  So what if someone 'betrayed' you... Half of you are in high school, so anything someone could have done to you is not serious at all.  No one is allowed to have problems over material things when your parents are paying for everything and driving you everywhere. Stop bitching about who did what at the party over the weekend, because you all had to have your mom's car home by midnight and you all freaked out when someone said the word "cop".    "He said, she said" drama is not worth your time because someone is ALWAYS going to be saying something about you.  I can sleep comfortably tonight knowing atleast 30 people are bad mouthing me right now. AND I'M COOL WITH THAT, because sucks to you missing out on a great friendship we could have.  You'll never get to take me to lunch or make me a mix CD.  And so what if someone 'stabbed your back'. (and jesus christ do I wish someone would ACTUALLY stab someones back that I know)  It's called a motive, and they probably had a good one.  I give minor shit about 4 days before I say fuckit and get back to hugging.  Especially now that we're all older and graduated from HS.  WHO CARES if someone talked to your ex boyfriend after you back in 11th grade.  I knew a kid who wanted to start mad drama back in the day because his girlfriend's new boyfriend was in all honest way cooler than him.  He spent so much time hating and bad mouthing her while trying to start shit and fight the new guy that he didn't focus on his own life and progressing new relationships and having fun... then his sister died in a car wreck.  So let that be a lesson.  Another thing that pisses me off is when a group of people can't get together and have a good time because one person has problems with another.  STOP WHISPERING IT TO ME AND CONFRONT THEM ABOUT IT!  Nine times out of Ten it's going to end in an apology and putting it behind you.  AND EVEN IF YOU GET THAT ONE OFF TIME, it's still cool cuz I get to watch you both come up with stupid comebacks and halfwit remarks  while fighting off the urge to fight each other (cuz let's be honest, you're all pussies and wouldn't have the balls to hit someone if you really wanted to).  All I'm saying is we should all assess our grudges on petty things and think about if it's really worth it to lose a friend or acquaintance just because one time they were in the same car as your ex.  Embrace the friendships you have now, cuz we are all going to die alone.  OH! And if you reading this personally (or know someone) who has a problem with me and refuses to like me or be my friend, please confront me about it because I will be very understanding and we can talk about this. I'm pretty sure I had a good reason for doing whatever it was I did to you. (Unless that thing was making fun of you at some point in time... I won't apologize for that, you should just not get butt hurt over your TOMS and Hot Topic shirts.)

Talk to you later chumps. 

Spring Break Part 2

I'm BACK! It's been a hell of a week, and none of you were really a part of it, but I'll fill you in on a little bit since we last caught up.  I saw KISS at the rodeo. So much rock.  I didn't think that much face paint and wrangler jeans could be in the same room.  Not to mention that many explosions. Now I understand why so many people feared KISS and why they created MATMOK (If you don't know what MATMOK is, watch Detroit Rock City and go get laid).  HAVE YOU SEEN GENE SIMMONS?!?! He's seriously 104 years old...  Sickest tongue I've ever seen. There was an intense amount of 'rock on' devil horns tho, so I dealt with the cow-bro's smoking a fat joint behind me.

SXSW was great. Loved every second of it. Wouldn't change a second. Not going to get into play by play, but here are some of the bands I saw:
        Balance and Composure, The Flatliners, Motionless In White, Title Fight, Within The Ruins, The Red Chord, The Acacia Strain, Bowling For Soup, Magrudergrind, Lemuria, Touche Amore, Ringworm, Thieves, Such Gold, and The Almost.

My apartment got wrecked by all 12 stinky people who stayed there.  Thanks to everyone who left me your boxers and phone chargers.  We played our showcase and it was a blast. Alot of people came out to watch AND Vitamin Water sponsored so we got all the free V2O we wanted. I owe you one 50cent.

Why do people complain about good times?  Lets be honest, you're not going to be doing anything else more fun at the moment, so what does it matter that you're waiting in line with your friends for a band you don't really wanna see? There is no point in 'tweeting' about it because (aside from the fact I don't have twitter so I won't see your crying) everyone is most likely going to make fun of you as soon as they read it.  Twitter should be strictly reserved for Tosh.0, all the bands I like, and Rebecca Black.  There is no reason you should put on a fake smile and act like your having a blast, then hide behind your phone and truely spill that you would "really rather be somewhere else" followed by some melo-dramatic hashtag. Grow a pair and voice your opinion, I do it everyday! DEAR WORLD, I DON'T LIKE ODD FUTURE, TYLER THE CREATOR IS ALL HYPE AND IT IS STUPID, AND I WOULD MUCH RATHER BE FINDING FOOD THAN STAND AROUND TO WATCH SOME DGK RIPOFF SHOW!!!

CD REVIEW:
Aaron Amin- Your CD is finally complete contrast from everything else I've been getting. I'm stoked on it dude. Thank you for putting some Mammoth Grinder from back in the "goes to college..." days.  


Once my schedule gets back to normal, my posts will be better to read and make more sense. Sorry dudes.

Bowling For Soup = Greatest Band Ever.

Spring Break Part 1

So far my spring break has been bad ass.  Don't have a single complaint.  My homies in Japan get to play a giant game of hide and go seek with their families, Charlie Sheen is getting some things off his chest, and my dog fell in the pool... and stayed there for like 3 hours.  LET'S BE HONEST! Whoever photoshopped a godzilla into the pictures of all this japanese destruction is GENIUS! That's funny. If you don't think that's funny, then I'm sorry you have morals or something stupid like that.  Shit happens, that's life.  They get earthquakes and tsunamis, I get humidity and fast talking houston rappers.  Everyone suffers.  I'm just scared this is going to set back the drop date for the next Nintendo release. I hear the new DS has a 3D screen WITH NO GLASSES!?!   As long as those snow monkeys that live in the mountains and swim in the hot springs are fine, Japan can sink.  They've already brought Sushi and Pokemon to America, so I'm fine with not having anymore Hello Kitty backpacks around.  

As for Charlie Sheen... why is everyone so mad?! He's a mastermind.  He faked one crazy interview, the media went crazy for it, NOW he's in a 10 million dollar lawsuit over the money he's losing from not getting to finish two and a half men?! He wins. Everyone else loses.  Sorry you all thought for a second he was going to stay sane forever. He is the epitome of what every high school white kid with a "Free Weezy" shirt wishes he was. Charlie Sheen gets PAID to Fuck Bitches, Get Money.  You'd do some crazy shit like that too if you're little brother got to play coach Bombay on The Mighty Ducks and all you got to do was kill yourself in the first 3 minutes of Scary Movie 3. 

I'm getting tattooed tomorrow night, VERY stoked on finally progressing with this side piece.  Strangely enough I've been confronted with a lot of tattoo talk lately.  I just want everyone to know that you don't need some deep meaning to get a tattoo.  Stop worrying about it, and STOP asking what mine mean.  It's a bear on my chest (looks like a wolf, got that).  If you must know, my mother is a Kodak Bear.  That's why I'm so good at fishing with my hands and I freak out when I see a Charmin Ultra Soft commercial.  And if anyone tries to tell you "nah, didn't hurt at all, I'm not a pussy" Tell them Zach Chad bets them they cry when their parents die, so yeah... they're a pussy.  TATTOOS HURT! Stop trying to be tough just so you can see what's under some high school chick's target bra.  They all hurt, they all suck. I can't explain why their fun to get, they just are.  

The show FC played was a blast the other night. So much love from everyone, it was amazing. I even got a CD from another blog reader.  

Natalie Garcia - Thank you for finding me at the show and giving me the CD. You're note was sweet and I truely appreciate you supporting my shitty band. As for your mix, IT'S GREATT!!! Seriously, you had an amazing lineup on there. Great bands, all great songs, and once Driver F came on I realized you're a bomb ass chick.  SIDENOTE: This is the second CD that I've gotten with Bodybag by Hit The Lights on it. I've never listened to this band but that song is now forever stuck in my head. 

Lastly, I went to the beach today. Check my photos on facebook for the in depth fun, but all you need to know is my smooth talking with the shore girl got me this sweet custom printed shirt:

I'm Jesus... Come at me bro. 

What is a politic?

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Hell of a weekend

This weekend has been insane.  There is no other way to describe it.  I haven't stopped moving till right now.  For anyone who gives a shit what I did, read on.

Thursday night I got to eat dinner with a good friend and watch a movie that apparently I've been missing out on after all these years called "Almost Famous".  I'd only barely heard of it and never seen it, but I have to say it was great.  AND SUCH AN AMAZING CAST!  Never thought I'd see Jason Lee in there. Did you guys know he's a professional skateboarder? Such a rad dude.

Friday I ate some super good Chinese food at Bamboo Garden for my friend Long's 20th birthday.  I love lo mien.  It's soo good! I also love the entire atmosphere of an Asian Restaurant.  So much dragon art and wood carvings, I get to remind myself I'm a goofy sheep on the Chinese calendar, and I love when my waiter looks like he'd be straight out of backwoods China and like he would speak nothing but Bruce-Lee tongue, then BAM! he sounds more american that Burt Reynolds.  After the dinner I attended a 90's party with a good group of people from all over.  Not sure if you can tell from my picture, but I was wearing black jeans, red tanktop, and black suspenders.  You know who wore that combo from the 90's?

Duke Nukem (minus the fanny pack)

Then Saturday came.  It was a huge day for me.  Hardest hitting rugby game I've played all year.  I'm not going to get into specifics about how I scored all the tries and everyone out there made some great tackles and an amazing job keeping MSU from scoring a try and blah blah blah, I'm just gunna leave this picture to ge the message across.

Undefeated.

That night was a good time as well. After running out to Buda, TX for some quick scenes for the Thieves video, then getting some Froyo with some friends, I got to go to the ever so eventful rugby celebration.  Never fails to be a hoot.  If I had to tag a video of saturday night's party online, here would be some keywords:
            Beads, Bubbly, Crutches, Dudes hittin on crippled chicks, Puke, Less than attractive make outs, More Puke, Trollin, Yelling for no reason, Illustrations, Birthday Kisses for Mike, and "I just found your purse  and your phone for you... why are you being a bitch to me?"

Sunday you would think I got to slow down, but I didn't.  Got up and drug my ass all the way to west campus to shoot some final scenes for the Thieves Video on the roof of some apartment. The shot looked great:

Unfortunately not enough extras showed up to do the final scene, but no worries. We are in the midst of replanning and rescheduling so when the details come out and we need all you losers to come stand around and look cool, I'll let you know.

After that I went to an interview for the newspaper about the game then stopped by Emo's to checkout Set Your Goals.  Always a good show. I'm glad they haven't sold out or given up. I just feel bad for them because they want so badly to be a hardcore band, but no matter how man Trapped Under Ice shirts they wear or Down To Nothing riffs they check their guitars with, they will always be pop punk.

ONTO THE INTERESTING SHIT (this is a really long blog but fuck it, for once I'm getting to re-cap instead of just rant about stupid shit you guys don't agree with). I GOT A CD IN THE MAIL!  I've gotten a couple CD's from friends that see me on the reg, but this one is the greatest thing and made me smile:

This is awesome.  Some random person that I DO NOT KNOW, somehow found my blog and wrote me an anonymous letter and mailed me a CD. All I know is they are from Louisiana and they care enough about me to send me things. I haven't listened to it yet because I just woke up and checked the mail, but before I review it just know that whoever you are, you're already an amazing person for making me smile on a monday morning.  You rule! <3

That's it folks. I'll make an effort to post again tomorrow. I gotta go shave. (finally).

Define Dirty

It's Friday, I ain't got no job (in Austin), I ain't got shit to do! ...... Except slave to my laundry room.  I hate washing clothes so much!  It's such a hassle.  I'm not a girl, but I own a lot of clothes.  Thus, I make the mistake of burning through a good solid 3 weeks of clothing until I'm left with one pair of briefs and a crusty tanktop. Then it's time to do laundry. BUT WHY?!?! What makes pants 'dirty'?  I'm not out there rolling around in dirt or giving lap dances to junkies.  I just wear them to school and sit my ass in the same desk as everyone else.  And if my statistics are correct that the St. Edwards girl to guy ratio is 7 to 2, AND if stereotypes exist leaving girls to be way more hygenic and clean than boys, how is sitting around after them getting my jeans nasty?  Even if I sit after a guy, chances are he was gay, which makes him just as clean (if not cleaner) than a girl.  [Keep in mind there is no negative connotation there against the homosexual community.  I support them in every way.  If you told me I never had to deal with periods, emotions, constant complaining, insecurity, jealousy, lack of physical ability, double standards, and annoying pointless stories ever again, I'm pretty sure I could handle shopping at Nordstroms and listening to t.A.T.u. for the rest of my life]  And so what if I 'wear that jacket everyday'. It's comfortable and warm.  I'm not going to wash it and lose a day of wearing it for risk of getting a watch tanline.  And I don't care about how dirty my underwear are, I'm not changing them for 3 days. That's just how I roll.  It only gets funky and stinky down there when "all these bitches crawl".

I love kids.  I'm not going to deny that I wanna be a dad RIGHT NOW!  I know it's no time in my life to reproduce, but the thought of hanging out with a baby dude that looks like me all day drops a smile on my face.  I always want to make some extra cash babysitting, but found out quickly that its creepy having a grown man with tattoos and a super skeezy mustache asking to watch someone's kids.  It's a shame all those perverts out there ruin the reputation for respectable people like myself.  So if any of you guys know anyone that needs a babysitter you should let me know.  I'm always down for frozen pizza, Pixar movies, and an early bed time. AND I PROMISE I WON'T PEE ON YOUR KIDS OR ANYTHING WEIRD THAT LIKE! That's why I had to get a job at the YMCA, so I could hangout with people who share the same views on freeze-pops and moonbounces as I do.

See that little boy in the bottom right? His name is Tucker (age 6) and he sports a sweet mullet. No joke, him and I high fived over 60 times that day.  He's on my level! (Except for the fact that I had to help him tie his shoes)

Got state championship game this weekend. If we win, we've completely dominated the state of Texas in Rugby and get to move on to Nebraska for nationals.  Stomach is turning over every minute, but I thrive on it.  Super stoked to do something great with my life.  If you guys get a chance, be out at Burr Field in Austin, TX by 2pm Saturday afternoon.  I can PROMISE you there will be blood and victory.

I am the epitome of hatred.  

Lets get sconed

Today a poor unsuspecting girl decided to stand up from her desk in my Communication Theory class and walk away, leaving a small white bag in plain sight, unguarded and all alone. I'm not sure if any of you have kept up with my blog lately, but if you have you're aware that after being broken into, I have officially decided to start a Reverse-Karma Rampage (bad has been done unto me so it is my turn to inflict bad upon the world).  SO! In one swift motion i swooped in and snatched up that bag.  Upon peaking inside, I saw two words that ALWAYS mean a good time. "Chocolate Chip". I was stoked, cloud 9.  BUT! The joke was on me because once I got to my next class and opened the bag to it's entirety, I discovered is was not a Chocolate Chip COOKIE! But rather a Chocolate Chip Scone -_-

What's the fucking purpose of a scone? Did someone really walk into a bakery and say "create a snack that won't fill me up and makes my mouth super dry".  It's pointless to eat.  What's the main ingredient? Chalk dust?  When I become a parent and my kid is pissing me off, Scones will be dessert every night until he gets off my nerves.  Another stupid treat that I don't understand is the Eclair.... why not just serve me a cream filled donut?  There's no point in making something that small because, let's face it, I'm going to eat 34 of them.  I've learned to just limit myself by just saying "NO!" to small edible treats.  I'm sorry, it's just my personality to not want a single cupcake, but a whole tray instead. If you want a real dessert, I got the hook up from this baketress I know (I think I just made that word up, but I'm officially coining the term. Baketress-a female who prefers to dominate a man's mouth via baked goods and sweets).

S'mores Bars.... You Jelly?

And no, I'm not going to buy anything from your bake sale.  I don't care how cheap it is or what form of payments you take, I'm saving my money for pizza and a cinnamon roll. Get over it.Want a quick scapegoat for anyone trying to sell you some form of food that you're not interested in? (or you just want to spite them cuz you secretly wish you were the one raising money to go to India to help film another Benny Lava music video) ? This is the conversation I use everytime:

Them: "Hey! Would you like to buy a cookie? They're only 1 dollar and the money helps us save cats who get stranded in trees!"

Me: "Does it have any gluten in it?"

Them: "Umm... I don't know. Maybe?"

Me: "Well I have Celiac's Disease and my body can't process the gluten that is in most foods"

Them: "Oh... Yeah, I don't know."

Me: *Walk away... Like a Boss...because I don't have Celiac's Disease....trollface*

 I already got a couple CD's from people:

-Chris Box's was good. Very different and had some great diversity.

-Sara Cowe's made me giggle like a 14 year old girl stuck in the 90's.

-Mike Grider's is more UGHH than you stupid ass Tyler The Creater fans wish you were.

-Carrie Mansfield's makes me want to GRINNNDDD

Anyone who said they would send me a CD and hasn't yet.... just know that I remember EVERYTHING and I won't forget how you let me down, posers. 

This is my friend Juan. He sleeps all day. 

This is my roommate Mike. We went to Steak and Shake. 

Carson Daily

Remember when you were younger and super stoked to see the new "Making the Video" on MTV?  Like when Christina Aguilera made the video for 'Dirty' and she was basically naked and sweaty with a bunch of dirtbikers and Redman was rapping?  Probably one of the first chubbies I ever got while listening to music (besides when I heard "Higher" by Creed for the first time).  MTV used to be the shit. I was obsessed with music videos.  When I saw the video for "My Friends Over You" by New Found Glory, I fell in love.  Another music video that got me? "My name is" by the ever famous Slim Shady.  TRL was amazing.  Carson Daily was the biggest bad ass of afternoon TV.  He got to hangout with 98 Degrees, look out his big glorious window over time square and rub it in the face of all those gargoyle chicks who he didn't allow inside for the actual taping of his show, and had the power to cut off anyone he chose while they were halfway through a shout-out to their friends back home.  Then every summer he got to move his studio to a giant stage in the center of a pool (that was for some reason on the beach.... not sure why you needed a pool on the beach but Carson demanded it) and stay there for 8 weeks while TLC performed "Scrubs" everyday until they got knocked off the top spot. PLUS! Whenever he didn't feel like doing his super easy job, he could sub in a hot ass british chick to do it for him.  And there were always quick cutaways to "MTV News" where Sway (aka that short dude with the bad dreads and oversized beanie who talked with that poorly faked harlem accent).  Without those bits I would have never known that Kid Rock beat the shit out of someone at a Waffle House. It always annoyed me that they didn't play the entire music video tho.  They would come in at the first chorus then maybe lead us up to the bridge before they ducked out.  Didn't they understand that the "Stacy's Mom" music video wasn't worth it unless you got to see it start to finish?!

Today I was in a music video.  I can't explain the details entirely, but some good friends of mine are in a badass pop punk band called THIEVES and are making a music video.  I'm playing a cool guy.  It's gunna be great, so keep posted and I'll make you aware of my performance once the video drops.  

Just give it up. 

Do me a solid?

Upon further investigation, I have learned that when my truck got broken into they also took my CD case with all my CD's in it.  I had a GREAT collection of  CD's in there.  I guess it's kind of re assuring that New Found Glory is one of the greatest bands of all time because the NFG greatest hits CD that I made myself was the only one left in my truck.  BUT I HAVE A PLAN! Instead of working on starting over the greatest CD collection of all time, I'm going to take a different route.  If you're reading this and want to do something unique, fun, and helpful, you should help me out.  I would like you to burn me a MIX CD of either music you love to listen to or music you think I would enjoy.  It will be awesome.  You guys can put whatever you want on there.  Just make like a 20 song CD of the best you got. I'll take anything.  THEN! You gotta get in touch with me to give it to me.  You can give it to me in person if you see me on a regular basis (or if you wanna make the effort to meet up with me), or you can mail it to me :

625 E. Stassney Lane

Apt. #5210

Austin, TX 78745

Feel free to include a little note and track listing if you'd like, but most importantly just let me know who it is sending it to me.  FINALLY, I will post a review about the CD you've made me.  I'll let you know how good/bad/ugly/dance it was.  Please help me out guys, this could be a lot of fun for both of us.  Thanks for everyone who reads this and decides to participate.  

He laid emeralds in her eyes,

But I’d already tried a bracelet made of gold

And a scarlet thread around her wrist.

Everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.

"oh how seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss."

We painted crooked lines

But danced in perfect time to a love so much refined,

We know not what it is until like a dullen wine we pour into a grief known before

But never quite like this.

All I know now is regret,

It follows like a silhouette along the cobbelstone behind us,

But has nothing to say except to innocently ask,

Its voice delicate as glass,

"do you see me when we pass? "

But I continue on my way... 

Grape Kool-Aid

Would you rather have a permanent Grape Kool-Aid Mustache?  Or have permanent Dorito residue on your finger tips?  I'm gunna go the with flavored mustache on this one.  I just feel like having a blonde mustache is getting to popular, and to branch out into the field of trendy facial hair I'll need a new angle.  Plus I love making out, so this way I can share the love of high fructose corn syrup and sugar with all the ladies.  I also think I'd attract a lot of black girls, to which I wouldn't be complaining because then my life would be a constant Yin-Yang Twinz music video.  (If you think that last assumption is racist then YOU'RE racist, not me)

In case you guys haven't heard, I got my truck broken into and my wallet and one of my ipods stolen (Yes, I had two Ipods.  I got them both myself. Haters gonna hate.)  It sucks, but life goes on.  Cancelling a credit card and debit card is really tough because I don't have very good phone etiquette.  I don't have a drivers license or student ID anymore, and getting those replaced will be a bitch as well. Also, I'm down $43 and a bunch of cards for free burritos, wings, and burgers from all over the place.  Someone hit the jackpot and I hope you're enjoying yourself. I AIN'T EVEN MAD THO!  I think the funniest part is that they took my bobble head Jesus.  Where did he go?  What are they doing with him?  What if he's blindfolded on someone else's dashboard being forced to listen to Marcy's Playground and second hand smoke K2?  Hopefully he can hold his own.  According to the bible, he should be back in 3 days right?

I'm not going to lie, I have no doubt in my mind that this is all due to Karma. We live in a world of hate, a cold angry world that is full of people looking out for themselves.  But here's how I plan on looking at it. Most people see Karma as in "I did something bad now something bad is happening to me". NOT ME! The way I see it, something bad happened to me, so It's my turn to bring the hate. Starting with tonight's Ice Cream eating contest at school. I'm going to take away anyone's hopes or dreams of winning, because I'm knocking back that 2 gallon bucket like a pro.  Watch your back FCA.  'God' can't help you on this one.

Side note, for all you kids out there who are looking for new jams, checkout my buddy's in HANDGUNS.  They just dropped a new EP and it's legit. But don't forget the old stuff, cuz without a doubt one of the top 10 most essential Pop Punk Records (in my opinion) is this one...

Anywhere But Home